How Unexamined Assumptions from Childhood affect our Adult Life
Sometimes my clients ask “how can I possibly know what’s going on in my subconscious mind?” The answer is most unexpected. Look to the people, situations and challenges that surround you in your day to day life. Especially observe the situations that seem to keep repeating over and over again. They’ll manifest as some painful recurrent theme that we can’t seem to get past. Issues such as illness; relationship problems; recurrent fears or lingering feelings of just not being “good enough”. What lies at their core? Unexamined assumptions from childhood that have a very detrimental effect on adult life.Read More
Self Acceptance and the Key to Profound Healing
When we find ways to create peace and self acceptance within, our outer lives and relationships become healed and transformed.
In discovering what prevents us from accepting ourselves, we open the way to profound self healing. Psychotherapy and Hypnotherapy empower this vital connection by giving relaxation to the body and clarity to the mind.
The Solution – Creating Healing Space
We all have the capacity to bring healing into our life experience. Do you suffer from low self confidence, believing you are just not good enough? Read on to find simple ways to create healing space and become more self aware.
When we turn back towards our own pain and begin to embrace it with compassion, patience, and tenderness, we open our hearts, not only to ourselves but to everyone else in our lives. In creating healing space we can magnetise many solutions into our life.
There is no easy, quick solution in changing the patterns of a lifetime. The decision to turn self rejection into self acceptance requires a very strong intention and needs to be practised in various ways every day. We need the courage to take responsibility for our own fear, anger and emotional pain instead of blaming others, lashing out and then beating ourselves up in regret.
Building our Observer
We need to build our observer – the calm detached part of ourselves that doesn’t get swept up in the emotional dramas of life. This means that we need to bring more and more of our attention into the present moment.
How do we go about creating healing space? Asking ourselves the following questions may help:
- What’s happening RIGHT NOW?
- Where is my body tense?
- Perhaps I can soften and relax it a little?
- Can I take a few slow deep breaths and quieten my mind?
- What happens if I slow down and count to 10 before I react?
- Can I go somewhere and sit quietly for a few minutes?
- Is there a different way I could respond to this situation?
When we are willing again and again to bring our attention back to the present moment many changes take place. We notice the thoughts and beliefs of self rejection. Then we learn how to prevent them from making us react. This may seem an insurmountable task at the outset. However, with practice and perseverance, this discipline of self observation grows. Above all, we develop much needed patience.
Self Observation -v- Self Analysis
Self observation is not self analysis. It’s the very opposite! With self observation, we find ways to quieten the mind and create calmness and space. With practice these wonderful qualities of patience and calmness will grow. We learn to react in a completely different way to the stress and challenge in our lives – we create healing space.
In this way we not only save our energy, but we stop creating the very dramas and crises that are so destructive in the first place.
The Freedom of Letting things Be as they Are
Learning how to let things BE as they are – we become free to learn and grow. If a child is loved and accepted as they are, and their innate gifts encouraged, they will blossom happily and naturally. However, if they are pushed into performing to someone else’s expectations this blossoming cannot occur. What happens to the child who has to continuously respond to the drivers: “try harder”, “be perfect”, “be brave”, “don’t cry” etc? They are forced into a straitjacket of performance and of pleasing others. Sadly, many of us have experienced this sort of upbringing and education to a lesser or greater degree.
Becoming Loving Parents to Ourselves
We need to learn how to become loving wise parents towards ourselves. This does not mean condoning our weaknesses and then doing nothing about them. It requires the honesty to accept “Yes – these are my fears”, “this is my emotional pain”. Only then can we become healed and transformed.
Sometimes we just need to acknowledge “I’m scared” or “I’m hurting” rather than trying to “FIX” it or push it away.
For instance, in the same way as a loving parent will hold and comfort a sick child, by just “sitting with it” we can bring so much healing to ourselves.
Have you ever been around someone who completely accepts you as you are “warts and all”? Doesn’t it feel wonderful just to be yourself, not needing to watch what you say and do for fear of being judged, or seen as being “less than”. When we’re with people like that we can be relaxed, unguarded, natural and sincere. It is then so much easier to be authentic and honest.
Coming Home to Ourselves
Imagine how wonderful it would feel if we could extend that acceptance towards ourselves – completely. Imagine how our lives would transform if we cared enough about ourselves to get to know who we truly are, rather than forever straining to be someone else. When we embrace our own pain and fear, we COME HOME to the unique person we are in the deepest possible sense. We merge the false opposites of black and white and create a whole rainbow of colour – another whole world of possibilities!!!
“I really must try to get some sleep tonight”. How many times have we been haunted by this thought? So often the dread of something is far worse than the thing itself. This anticipation projects our thoughts towards an imaginary future that may never happen, or that may turn out to be completely different. Worrying about sleeplessness, and about how we’ll feel the next day, uses up far more energy than simply accepting it; relaxing and focusing on letting go.Read More
The Futility of War
We live in a world that is torn apart by strife and warfare. So many needless wars are fought and there is so much suffering and death. These wars can be in the name of politics, economics, nationalism or religion. Billions are spent each year on the “industry” of warfare – on man’s inhumanity to man. Increasingly every rational person understands that no war is ever won. The devastation and loss on both sides are proof alone of that. The aftermath of pain, loss and suffering compound it even more.
So why are we are so easily swept into yet another tidal wave of vengeance and retribution? What keeps us stuck in lashing out at others? Is it because we need to make them wrong and in order to affirm that we are right?
The Constant Battle Within
Many of us suffer from an inability to truly be at peace within ourselves. It becomes unbearable to examine one’s inner anguish. Therefore from this deep seated lack of self acceptance we are pushed into a much easier option.
It is so much easier to highlight the “faults” of others than to face our own buried pain.
If we set aside direct confrontation, we can observe what goes on within our own lives, our families and our workplace.
So really this blog is about how important it is to Know Thyself – The Path to the Heart.