Communication -v- Age of the Ersatz

Authentic Communication

Have you ever noticed how much communication has become utterly meaningless.  People say  “have a nice day”, “miss you already” and even “love you”.  Words are just spewed out with no sincerity whatsoever.

Words like awesome have become demoted to the utterly banal.  It’s often used to describe people, situations or events that are far from awesome!

Then there’s the ridiculous “I’m so excited to share this with you/be here/see this, ….. etc.” It’s as if everything has to be hyped up to excitement levels before our jaded attention can be grabbed and held. If some total stranger on the phone asks me “how are you today?” I’m tempted to respond with “why do you ask?”

Another word bug that’s spreading is the continuous way the word “like” increasingly creeps into sentences where it has no meaning whatsoever.  “and I was like so glad to see her and then she said like it was  ………” ad nauseum

People now end their phone calls with the rushed: “bye, bye, …….. bye, bye, bye, ….. bye, bye” as if they’re hurrying you off the phone.   

When we hear enough of this verbal rubbish, we tend to shut down and just stop listening. Genuine communication dies and we’re just throwing out sound bytes for set situations.

A Deeper Connection

Becoming more conscious means that we communicate in ways that are more meaningful, sincere and of course far more satisfactory.  For instance, have you ever noticed that when you really listen to another person, the conversation will often become so much more relevant and interesting.

Rather than thinking up a reply or chattering away in your own thoughts, when you really listen, in most cases, the other person will begin to honour you by also listening to what you have to say.

The Unconscious Non Stop Talker

Often non stop talkers have never been truly heard.  Why? Because their nervous energy drives them into unconscious ways of filling silence.  If the underlying beliefs of the continuous talker could be put into words, here is what they’d be actually saying;

• “As long as I keep talking, I can keep her here – she won’t leave me on my own.  I can avoid the awful loneliness a while longer”
• “If I keep chattering, I won’t have to endure silence and feel the chaos that’s going on deeper in my body”
• “I’m so tired, if I keep talking, I’ve got access to his/her energy and get to boost myself up somehow”
• “Nobody ever listened to me as a kid.  The only way I get to be heard is to keep talking.  I’ve got to hang onto that “conversation ball” and not let anyone else get it”
• “I love the sound of my own voice!  What I have to say is really important.  There’s no point in letting someone else butt in with their irrelevant comments.  Deep down, I don’t really believe in myself, so I have to boost my confidence by always sounding well informed”

Deeper Within – What’s Really Happening

In my practise I often ask people to tune into the energy behind their words.  I ask them to notice what they’re actually feeling as they speak. They’re often surprised to discover that their non stop talk is actually a means of covering up/avoiding a continuous nervous tension that’s been there for most of their life.

Becoming calm and centred gives us so much more space to be present, to be aware of what’s really going on rather than needing to drown out our inner chaos.

When we’re more present and aware, we automatically become more authentic.  In other words, what we say has real meaning and we don’t need to spew out silence fillers. Therefore, next time you’re talking to someone, just observe the way you talk and the way you listen.

You may be very surprised at the huge difference simply being aware of what you’re saying will make. And Finally, you may also find that genuine laughter and fun arises – you can enjoy the other person on a much deeper level where there is a REAL connection and communication.