Self Esteem & Confidence

Self Esteem & Confidence

So many of us go through our lives burdened by low self esteem. We constantly make negative statements about ourselves. If questioned, many people will tell you of their weaknesses, failings and problems. They have little or no self esteem and confidence.

Finding self confidence usually involves identifying these negative beliefs. Then removing them completely! When we examine our negative self statements, we usually find that they have their source in what we were told as children.

Child sucking thumb

False Conditioning from the past

I once knew a woman who sometimes brought her 5 year old son to work. Because of a failed marriage, this woman held a lot of anger and disappointment. The poor boy was clearly standing in for her ex-husband. He received a constant torrent of criticism and derogatory remarks from her. It was a really sad experience hearing her constantly chastising him and comparing him negatively to his father. The boy may well have grown up angry and rebellious – a compensation to disguise an inner sense of never being “good enough”. Either way, beneath any outward behaviour of rebellion, he could have very little self esteem, confidence or belief in himself.

We begin to uncover the wealth of our true self when we become aware of and cast out negative beliefs that originally were absorbed from a parent, teacher or sibling. We also significantly reduce our stress levels and improve our health – Why? – because

A constant torrent of negativity either from another person or from within ourselves, drains our energy and weakens our immune system.

Woman looking in mirror, hair is covering face


I often work with clients who live by a set of statements and beliefs that aren’t their own. They are completely inherited from an unconscious parent who thought that constant goading would encourage their child to “be strong” “be brave” “be better than ……” No child has the discernment to recognise useless projections and judgements from their parents – they will, therefore, absorb these negative remarks about themselves and believe “this is who I am!” because that’s what mom/dad tells me all the time. In this way they may even develop depression or anxiety later in life.

Developing the Inner Observer

We need to develop an Inner Observer. This will help us to become aware of false beliefs, thoughts and convictions. I teach my clients many ways to develop this Inner Observer. It then becomes an ever present aware part of themselves. Then they are equipped to replace their conditioned beliefs from the past with positive self affirming convictions. They increasingly notice useless thoughts and replace them with steps to become even more conscious en route to developing self esteem and confidence.

As my clients become better at this self observation, their confidence grows. A level of real peace descends empowering their overall health and greatly improving their relationships with family, friends and work colleagues.

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